Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
