it wasn't lemon gatorade
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
