I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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