Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
