I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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