Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We're not piercing ourselves today.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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