is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
