i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I FOUND THE LEGS
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
