wanna go halves on a baby?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
