She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
