I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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