She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
