I cockslap morals
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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