Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I think people are normalizing furries
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
