Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
