if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I think I am morally bankrupt
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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