All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
