i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
