i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
