it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Two words: blizzard sex
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
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