She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
the raccoons are back...
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