You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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