So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize