he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
