I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
