I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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