You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
