A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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