I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
