i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
