Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
