Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
my liver is dry heaving
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
