i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
