It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
