I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Holy sore nipples Batman
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
