and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
