i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
