Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
