Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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