I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
