Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
