got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
