you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
