My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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