i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
