You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
