help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
