ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
