this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
