my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
