Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
