shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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