Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Randomize
