True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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