I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
