he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
