Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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