He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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