I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
