sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize