well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
