I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
