I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
