i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
