So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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