I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
