I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
