Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
