what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
why do cheetos always look like penises
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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